


Damaged

by NowThatsDedication



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives, Dealing with post-battle psychological stuff, Erebor, dark subject with a touch of light heartedness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-23 22:01:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7481547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NowThatsDedication/pseuds/NowThatsDedication
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes “Happily Ever After” takes longer than expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Damaged

Kíli is lost in the fog again. He cannot escape it, no matter how far he runs. This time, it ends in capture. Certain death stares at him behind cold, evil eyes. Its foul breath on his face, creeping closer and closer, until he jolts awake.  
  
He is alive. Shaken, but very much alive. Fighting off invisible attackers has left him tangled in blankets, breathing heavy, damp with sweat. He is in his bed; he recognizes the ceiling, with the large hole in it (“A lot of repairs are needed here”). Alive, yet defeated.  
  
Kíli relives horrible things in his sleep. Things he wishes to forget.  
  
He knows where he can temporarily chase the darkness away. It worked when he was a child, at least, and old habits die hard. He gathers his composure and his blanket and stumbles over to the recess in the wall. It is well-hidden behind a torn, dusty tapestry decorated with ravens (“More repairs, but this appears beyond help”).

Kíli thinks it fitting to have a “secret” passage between their rooms (“We need to sort this out, you cannot barge in here whenever you want. If there is a boot at the entrance, turn back,” they agreed).  
  
The smell of decay greets him inside the narrow corridor. This place has taken a lot of damage, and is far from the splendor he had imagined since his youth. But at least it was “still standing,” they all said, with relief. Of course it was – how could a mountain fall? Maybe only on the inside, where sections of wall crumble at the touch in the best places, and the worst places are littered with debris and death.  
  
There is no boot at the entrance. He tiptoes into an identical room, with its identical bed in the center, the only difference being the peaceful sleeper that occupies it. His brother’s arm dangles off the side and the rest of his limbs sprawl out in every possible direction.

“Fíli? He whispers. A twitch of his bottom lip, but no answer, as expected. Fíli sleeps like a rock when enveloped in the comfort of a soft mattress.

Kíli spreads his blanket on the broken stone floor (“Yet even more repairs, could use a new rug, too”). He tucks his hands under his head and curls inward, as if protecting himself from the night. It is easier to shut his eyes now; it feels safer. He drifts back to a restless slumber, to the sound of Fíli’s light, erratic snores.  
  
Fíli jolts awake this night, too. Not because of dreams, but because swigging two jugs of milk before bed is never the best idea. He blindly swings his legs down, something warm and lumpy crushing beneath his bare feet. It yelps in pain, and he yells back in surprise.

“Great Mahal! What the-”

“Owww, it's me, it's only me!” Kíli sits up and grabs his head.

Fíli crashes back down, rubs his eyes, “Kíli...Kíli why are you on my floor? Are you drunk?”

“No, I-”

“Wait, hold that thought,” he pushes past Kíli, urgent for his original destination, and staggers back a minute or two later.

“Now…Kíli, are you drunk?”

“No!”

“Then why are you on my floor?”

With a deep sigh, he answers with honesty. “I can't sleep. It’s hard to, when I’m alone.”

“You are not _alone_ , Kíli.”

Fíli understands. His own nightmares haunt him during the day - a scent, a sound, a reflex, can bring it all back. The fog rushes toward him without mercy. He pardons himself and disappears, handling it however he needs to. Kíli covers for him, fiercely defending his absences with acceptable fictions. Kíli understands.

They both understand, but they do not speak of it. Words cannot help, cannot _heal_. Silence is strength, they were told.  
  
Fíli is as helpless as Kíli is now, unable to fulfill his brotherly duties and quite ashamed over it. "I don't know what you need me to do, but-”  
  
“Nothing. I just feel...safer here.”  
  
“Safe from what?”  
  
“I don't know. Isn't it absurd? There is no longer anything to fear, and yet….” He can offer no explanation, because neither of them can make sense of it; what keeps them awake, sends shivers through their cores, freezes the blood in their veins.

“You can stay here whenever you want, if it makes you feel better,” Fíli offers warmly, with a reassuring squeeze of Kíli’s shoulder. “But give me fair warning next time, unless you enjoy being kicked in the face.”  
  
“Thank you. Uh, not for the kick, but for your help.”  
  
“And as long as you don't mind the rats-”  
  
“Rats?”  
  
“Yes, they really have to clear this place out. All the cracks must be filled, and the gates fortified,” Fíli lowers his voice, the way he does to capture Kíli’s attention for important matters. “I guess it takes time to fix something that has been so...damaged.”  
  
“Some care is all it needs.” Kíli answers. “Lots of work ahead, I suppose.”  
  
“Even so, it will be better...and stronger...than ever.”  
  
“You are right, though it seems impossible now.”  
  
“We thought many things were impossible before. But we overcame the direst of circumstances, did we not?”  
  
“We are not talking about Erebor, are we?”  
  
Fíli pauses, hesitant to cross the unspoken boundary. _Words can heal. We can heal_. “Kíli, we _are_ Erebor now. For better or worse. And Erebor will be rebuilt.”  
  
“Yes, I believe we can...together.”

They have said all they needed to, for now. But it is just enough. Hope is no longer out of reach.  
  
“Goodnight, Kíli.”

“’Night”  
  
The fog rolls back, slowly, but not without effort - and a little care.  
  


 


End file.
